House Rules

Every house has rules.

Most of them were never written down. Shoes come off at the door. You don’t sit in that chair. Whoever cooks doesn’t wash up. You learn them by watching, or by getting a look from someone the first time you get one wrong.

That works in a house because everybody grew up in it, or spent enough time there to pick things up.

An online community doesn’t get that luxury. People arrive from everywhere, all at once, each with their own idea of what’s normal. Some come from groups where promoting yourself in every post is expected. Others come from places where arguing is the main event. Nobody can see anyone’s face.

So the rules have to be written down.

Write them before you need them

The best time to write community rules is early, when the group is small and the rules feel almost unnecessary.

That sounds backwards. But think about what happens when you wait. Someone does something that clearly isn’t okay, and you realise there’s no rule against it. Now you’re writing the rule in reaction to one person, and everyone can see it. It reads like a punishment, and that person feels singled out, because they were.

A rule that was there from the start isn’t about anyone. It’s just how the house works.

Keep the list short

Nobody reads twenty rules.

Five or six is plenty for most communities. Enough to cover what actually matters, short enough that people read the whole thing. If you find yourself writing a rule for every situation you can imagine, you’re trying to solve problems you don’t have yet.

Say what you want, not just what you don’t

A rule that says “No spam” tells people what to avoid. It doesn’t tell them what kind of place they’re in.

“Share things that help other members. Don’t post promotions unless they’re relevant and welcome” gives people a better idea of what’s expected.

The same goes for how people treat each other. “Be respectful” is fine, but it’s vague. “Disagree with ideas without attacking people” is clearer.

The best rules help people understand the kind of community you’re building.

Make them easy to find

Rules don’t help much if nobody sees them.

Put them somewhere new members can find without searching. Include them in your welcome process. When you update them, let people know.

And don’t assume that because someone joined, they’ve read every word. Most people haven’t.

Enforce them without making a show of it

Sooner or later, someone will break a rule.

Sometimes it’s an honest mistake. A private message explaining what happened is usually enough.

Other times, someone knows exactly what they’re doing. They keep promoting themselves, picking fights, or ignoring requests to stop.

You don’t have to turn every problem into a public discussion. Remove the offending content, explain the reason privately when appropriate, and move on.

Consistency matters. If you let one person break a rule because they’re popular, everyone notices.

The rules apply to you, too

This is easy to overlook.

If you tell members not to fill the community with sales pitches, don’t turn every post you write into one.

If you expect people to be respectful, show that same respect when someone disagrees with you.

Members learn what a community is really like by watching the person running it.

The written rules matter, but your behaviour matters more.

Leave room for the community to grow

Rules aren’t permanent.

As more people join, situations will come up that you didn’t anticipate. You might need to clarify something or add a rule.

That’s normal.

Just make sure changes are about protecting the community, not controlling every conversation.

A good community feels like somewhere you belong

The goal isn’t to create a place where everyone is afraid of breaking a rule.

It’s to create somewhere people feel comfortable asking questions, sharing experiences, and disagreeing without worrying about being attacked.

Good rules make that possible.

You shouldn’t have to think about them every time you walk into the room.

You should just feel the difference.